Working Hard (Open)

[sarahchien]

Sarah had always loved Willow Brooke, even when she first arrived years ago when she was sixteen and angry at the world it instantly felt like a place she belonged. Ok, maybe that was a bit of a lie she spent the first few weeks angry at the world and her father but after sometime she began to calm down and begin to appreciate Willow Brooke. She knew that if she had never went there she would probably be in a completely different place in life. It had helped her in so many ways.

Once she returned she instantly felt like she was home, it really did feel like that to her. Sure a stable hand wasn't the best job in the world, it wasn't the most glamorous either but she felt happy when she was working surrounded by the horses. Happy in a way she wasn't in medical school. She had spent most of that morning riding Aura, the overly energetic horse required a lot of time and grew restless and moody when she was not ridden. She had then returned to the stables and began to go do her daily stables duties. She smiled slightly to herself slightly as she worked, knowing it was probably weird to smile when apart of your job was mucking out stables.

[chris]

Chris's feet had carried him towards the stable without his doing, but perhaps mostly to steer him away from homework and his fellow students at the same time.

He bit into a carrot he had carried with him from the mess hall and chewed slowly as he leaned against the frame of the open stable doors. He was still far far away from getting close to a horse, but at least nibbling on the carrot gave him something to do, so it was more there for him than any horse he might encounter.

Now that he looked inside he thought the stables not so bad. The horses were all inside their stalls, kept well away from the main aisle, and the building itself was pretty large -large enough not to frighten him.

He hadn't expected to find anyone there, as most students were still having lunch and riding classes didn't start for at least an hour. He had even less expected to see a waif of a girl there who looked like a strong breeze could just blow her over and carry her away. But she attacked her work with gusto and an enthusiasm Chris found fascinating. He could get absorbed in work too, if he had something to do with his hands, something that led to a readily perceived and obvious result. Not to mention that the girl was pretty.

"Hi," he said and a few horses turned their attention to him, their heads swinging in his direction and their ears flicking to attention, but Chris kept his eyes on the girl, trying to guess her age, but he just couldn't. He always failed at that, so he didn't give it a very thorough try.

[sarahchien]

Sarah looked up at the sound of a voice, noticing the young boy that she guessed was a student with carrots. She wondered how long he had been there for because it was not uncommon for her to become completely absorbed in what she was doing and was completely oblivious to the outside world. She had not seen him in the stables before, she hadn't talked to all of the students but she knew most of them by their face. As she spent most of her time at the stables she saw most of the students at some point. She guessed that he was either new or had not been in the stables before. He still hadn't entered the stables, he was simply standing against the frame of the stable door.

Stopping her work for a second she smiled warmly at the boy "Hi" She responded to him, for a seconded wondered why he was not coming inside. Did he fear horses? Well maybe but Sarah was not one to assume anything so she pushed the thought away. "Are you new here?" She asked before adding. "I haven't seen you in the stables before"

[chris]

Chris shook his head. "I've been here a week. Dunno if you count that as new." Chris took another bite of the carrot. One of the horses looked closer at him at the sound of his crunching bite and snorted. He guessed it wanted a bite too, but he ignored it and studied the girl instead. She had a nice smile, he decided, and returned it with a smile of his own.

"Don't think you'll see much of me in the stables. I'm not keen on getting on a horse - or even getting close to one." If she worked here, she would hear about that sooner or later anyway, so Chris spoke matter-of-factly, telling her just how it was. The other students weren't all into riding, but at least they gave it a try or didn't avoid the horses completely, so he stood out, and word was bound to spread among the staff. But as long as no one tried to force him close to a horse he could live with that, and Jared wouldn't force him, of that Chris was pretty certain.

"I am Chris, by the way. Chris Willis." He just stood there as he introduced himself, not moving from his spot at the door. He knew chances were it made him appear cold, aloof not to take a single step towards her while he gave her his name, but he didn't want to run the risk of her trying to shake hands or something. "I guess you work here?" He gestured with his hand, indicating the whole outside and Willow Brooke in general, not just the stables.

[sarahchien]

”A week is pretty new, this place can be very overwhelming for the first few weeks” She said, yeah she remembered her first week and it had not been fun at all. She just wanted to cry and go home and everything was so overwhelming and she had absolutely no clue what to do or if she would ever get through everything. She watched the horses reaction as he ate the carrot, clearly wanting the carrot.

Sarah was a little surprised by the declaration, a lot of people weren’t completely horse crazy but most people would try it. No one decided that they would not go anywhere near a horse no matter what in such a matter of fact. She had to wonder if there was more too it then just not liking horses. ”You seem pretty certain, why don’t you want to be around horses?” She asked him.

When he introduced but didn’t move, Sarah did not think he was cold. Her first thought was maybe the reason he didn’t move was related to why he didn’t want to be near horses. ”I’m Sarah Chien, and yeah I work here” She said smiling again. ”Though I was a student here myself a few years ago” She told him.

[chris]

He shrugged just a little when she said the place could be overwhelming. He missed a lot of things about home, but he wouldn't call Willow Brooke overwhelming. Not after being carted from one doctor or hospital to another over the last six months. That had been far worse.

"Guess if you work here you'll hear about it sooner or later." Chris sighed. He didn't go around advertising his problems, but someone would sooner or later start asking questions anyway. Maybe it was for the best if he volunteered some information, to make certain people knew to stay out of his space. And if she had really been a student, Sarah had to know that there were people with all sorts of different problems and, with some luck, not judge him on his particular troubles.

He looked Sarah straight in the eye and spoke slowly, deliberately. "I have nothing against horses. I just don't go near any creature larger than... Dunno. A housecat or a dachshund. Haven't tried how big it can get, and I don't wanna find out, but even a pony is too large."

Chris shrugged again, this time more noticeable and helplessly. "It's part of my claustrophobia. Or maybe post-traumatic stress disorder. Half the shrinks claim it's one, the other half say it's the other that's causing it." Of course that left out the possibility of the claustrophobia being a result of PTSD - or the other way round. It was all so damn tangled up in his mind.

"See. I am not here for the riding or the horses. I'm here to get some schooling in a place with lots of wide open spaces." He left out the fact that it was also one of the cheapest alternatives his parents could find - and still left them with some hope for their son. Now that was no one's business here at Willow Brooke, not even Jared's, as far as Chris was concerned.

[sarahchien]

Sarah had listened as he talked, he did not know much about claustrophobia but made a mental note to Google it when she got home. One of her roommates when she was a student was suffering from ptsd after she survived a school shooting. She knew from watching her friend how hard the fear could be. It was probably sad but she was glad that her issues were not that bad and debilitating.

Sarah did not think that the other staff would gossip about other students, especially to a stable hand. Though she believed that relevant information might be shared, Chris and his issues might be shared between those involved with horses. She didn’t know for sure she just guess they would want to avoid anyone pushing him to ride.

She really did feel bad for him, anyone could see the helplessness and it made her want to give him a hug. However from what he said that would freak him out. She also wanted to asked him exactly what happened, she knew it was not her business and she was not a counsellor.

Of course she didn’t judge him. She wouldn’t because she knew what it was like to be judged and unlike Chris her issues were actually her own fault. She choose to take drugs, he did not chose fear.

”Fair enough” Sarah finally said, there was no sarcasm in her tone she really meant it. ”and I’m not going to force you near a horse or give you some line about facing your fears” she continued. ”but are you sure you were sent here just because it was open and not to get help?” She didn’t want to sound like she was lecturing him, but it seemed he was sent there to get help not just finishing school.

[chris]

“Thanks.” All those lines about just facing his fears had gotten pretty old, as he had heard it countless times before – usually from people who had no idea what real fear was, how it felt. He was glad Sarah wasn’t going down that road.

“Oh, I am sure someone thought it might do me good, help me get better. And maybe it will, but I just can’t see it right now.” He finished the carrot and turned sideways, leaning his back against the frame of the stable doors. Chris stuffed his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes for a moment, while he added: “I am pretty sure Jared won’t force me, so if riding is supposed to help me, well…”

He left the sentence unfinished. She could draw her own conclusions from what he had just said. Chris opened his eyes again and turned his head to look at her, along his shoulder. As a former student, chances were that Sarah knew how to ride. A lot of students seemed to have at least some interest in riding to begin with, and most of those who hadn’t, would have spent at least a little time in the saddle during a stint at Willow Brooke.

Again he was curios what Sarah’s problem might have been, but he knew better than to ask directly, or ask if riding had helped her. “I never sat on a horse, even before… my problems started. What’s it like – riding?” While he couldn’t get physically close to people he could at least talk with them. It beat being alone, and it was as good a topic as any, he guessed.

[sarahchien]

”I think you’d find a lot of people here feel like that when they come here” She told him, remembering when she arrived she felt as if she felt like that. It was a normal feeling when you were in a dark place, you feel like there is no way out like there was nothing outside what you were going through. She knew she had felt like that once. It sounded a little too cliché for her liking but it was true that there was a light beyond on the dark. ”Like they can’t be helped, it’s rarely true” She knew it was overly optimistic but she believed everyone at willow Brooke could be helped.

She knew no one would force him own a horse, he was right about that. Try to persuade yes, but never actually force. So he could avoid the horses if he really tried, and it seemed at least to her that he was trying to get past his fear. He was at the stable after all.

As he began to talked again he listened nodding, a lot of kids had never sat on a horse before. A lot had experience of course, some like her were sent there because of their love of horses. ”It’s kind of a hard thing to explain” she said, cause to her it wasn’t just riding a horse it was an entire experience and something she loved more than almost anything. ”Riding a horse, it’s kind of freeing”

[chris]

"Freeing, huh?" He almost made a remark about how clichéd that sounded to him, but he bit on his lip to silence himself at the last moment and just shook his head.

To Chris it really sounded like something straight from a Hollywood script, but he really didn't want to step on Sarah's toes. If riding worked for her, that was just fine by him. And there were a few things he liked that would be difficult to explain too, so he settled for a "if you say so".

But he had some riding experience - only that in his case it was riding a jet ski, not a horse, but now that he thought about it some, maybe 'freeing' wasn't such a bad word to describe it.

He closed his eyes and tried to recall the experience. The sound of the engine, the bumps when the jet ski hit another wave rolling in from the ocean, the water spray on his face and the smell of the ocean, the sun burning down...

"Like you are all alone in the world, just you and your ride? Everything coming into focus, something... Something you feel completely in control of and still can surrender yourself to?

"Like there's not a worry in the world? That it?"

As the words came out, he felt rather silly, as it sounded so melodramatic, now that he heard his own thoughts voiced out loud, so he looked down and turned his head away from Sarah, looking out of the stable, but he also smiled. There were some good memories where his words and thoughts had come from.