In the End (Anthony)

[Adrienne Dionas]

Adrienne looked around the outdoor arena in thought. Calliope was tacked up, and her reins were tightly gripped in Adrienne's hands. A year. She hadn't sat in a saddle in almost a year. She looked to Calliope when the mare nudged her shoulder gently. She softly stroked the mare's forehead before she led the mare over to the mounting blocks. She stepped onto the blocks and gripped the saddle on both ends and looked at it for a moment. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she stepped into the stirrup and pulled herself up into the saddle, swinging her right leg over. She sat in the saddle for a moment just staring around the arena. It was set up for show jumping.

She urged the bulky mare forward and trotted her around the arena two laps before she urged the mare into a bit of a faster pace. She closed her eyes when the first jump came and she braced herself and moved forward with Calliope when she jumped and backward as she came in for the landing. She heard the mare's hooves thunk against the bars, but she didn't hear any fall. She would have looked over her shoulder if she'd had the time, but she didn't because the next jump was coming. She did the same motions only this time she kept her eyes open as her and Calliope easily soared over the jump.

It wasn't so bad. She pulled the mare to a stop for a moment thinking. She looked around the arena thinking of her last competition. She remembered getting a blue ribbon, and her mom. She could see her mom. She had given Adrienne a thumbs up. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she looked down at Calliope, who was anxious to continue, so they did. Adrienne urged the mare forward to the next jump. It was a set of triples. They flew over them with ease. The mare jumping three in a row.

She thought of Anthony for a moment as they pranced along to the next jump. He had wanted to meet her in the stables today. She wondered if he would actually keep to his word and meet her or if he would blow her off. She'd swung by Bruce's stall and given him a few sugar cubes before she'd gotten Calliope tacked up and rarin' to go.

[vanlouden]

Yeah. So he’d asked to meet Adrienne in the stables. He sometimes asked why he tortured himself the way he did, but he wanted to meet her again and maybe, if he fell and cracked his head, take Bruce out since he hadn’t personally taken him out. Anthony had only ever taken him to the pasture and that was it. Maybe he could learn the tack, or something stupid like that. He didn’t think he had the courage or the desire yet, to even think about riding the horse. He’d never ridden before, hell; he didn’t even know how to ride a bike, let alone a huge creature like a horse. He had to admit, his was much less intimidating then hers. Bruce wasn’t nearly as tall or as clunky as Calliope. He was thankful for this because he was a small guy. There were few things about Anthony that were big...

Anyway, he walked out to the stable, his hands tucked into the front pockets of his skinny jeans with a long sleeved AC/DC shirt covering his torso. The collar of the shirt went up to his chin and covered his neck. His lip was split and a black eye made itself very noticeable on his pale face. His deep black eyes gazed at the ground as he walked and his hair fell in his face. Very shallow breaths were taken as he walked, and his eyes were raised a bit as he came to the stable. A very perky and happy little head poked out through one of the doors to nudge Anthony as he came closer. A shaky hand was removed from his pocket to very gently touch the horse’s warm velvet muzzle. His cold fingers felt a slight tingle at the temperature difference, and it was nice, but he didn’t dare get any closer. He didn’t know if there was a possibility of getting the horse sick. He didn’t think there was, but somehow, some way, that would be his luck. He’d get his horse deadly sick and he’d end up suffering more than the creature itself.

He looked around for Calliope and didn’t see the clunky mare. He patted Bruce’s nose gently and shoved his hand back into his pocket, walking through the barn to the fence off area where he was greeted with the sight of the two. The huge mare flew over the jumps and as if a button had been pressed, his jaw fell. That was crazy, and looked horrifying. He imagined it bad enough being so much higher up, but SORING like that? That was just crazy! He walked over to the fence and pulled his slender body up carefully. He set his one foot over and the other back to avoid falling off. His dark eyes watched her as he made sure to avoid subconsciously licked his split lip. It was a bad habit he had when they were cold or felt dry.

“You are way crazy Adrienne.” He commented in his soft spoken way as he watched her with his eyes. He was squinting slightly as the sun shined directly on his pale face, showing off his dark corneas and his black eye.

[Adrienne Dionas]

It had been too long she realized as tall muscular mare soared over the next jump. Far too long. She finally felt at home.This was where she belonged, but she just couldn't seem to be at home with this with a crowd or even one person around. A big huge grin crossed over her face as they flew over the last jump, her black hair waving in the wind, and Calliope's creamy colored mane whipping against her face. She was finally at home. Her hands almost reached up to the mare's mane, but that would have been dangerous for both her and Calliope. She hadn't truly smiled in forever. The smile faded when she realized she was being watched. She pulled the prancing mare to a stop and they swirled in a circle for a moment so that Adrienne could calm her down. She looked to Anthony and smirked as his quiet remark.

She nudged Calliope, squeezing the mare's sides gently. The mare moved forward to Anthony, and Adrienne pulled her up so that the mare turned sideways at the arena fence. She studied his face and frowned softly. "What did you do, beat yourself up in your sleep last night?" She asked as she studied his face gently. His lip was busted and he had a black eye. He seemed a little paler today to, and it kind of worried her. She carefully climbed down from the mare and led her to the gate that wasn't far off.

She was done for the day. It was best just to take it in small doses. She'd done well enough today on her own, but most of her episodes were when she had an audience. Even if it was just one person. She'd rather not do that in front of Anthony.

[vanlouden]

The huge grin on her face had been nothing that Anthony had ever seen before. It was a huge grin; it looked like someone had cut her face open. No, not the most perfect picture, but her grin was huge and he’d never seen it before. It was something totally new to him and he would have smiled too if it wouldn’t have hurt his god damned lip so much. However, everything stopped when she either heard him or just realized he was there and then heard him. Whichever it was, caused her to stop and he almost asked her why, but kept his mouth shut after his small comment. He wouldn’t approach that subject because if having him watch her was the deciding factor in quitting, then he would not object. Everyone had their comfort levels and he wasn’t one to talk about pushing those levels since he obviously had barley attempted such a thing since the day he arrived here. The most he’s done is get close enough to touch a horse. Nothing else. He doesn’t dare move on because he’s worried and there, is his reason not to preach to her.

The two walked closer to him and she pulled up, making Calliope turn before walking any closer to the fence. He cast his eyes down and away from Adrienne as she studied his face. He didn’t like the way she was looking at him and when she spoke, he shrugged a little bit. “I suppose you could say that.” His voice was small as he spoke. He watched as the horse’s feet and Adrienne’s feet moved away from where she’d been standing and a soft sigh left his lungs, having let go of the breath that he forced to keep inside his lungs. He was weird and didn’t like when people worried about him. Adrienne was one of the few people that had been nice to him here because he hadn’t really been that much of an ass to her. Other than abandoning her that first day, he’d been civil and even a little more social... However, her being nice gave her no reason to worry about him. He didn’t like being worried about and just the way she looked at him made him feel weird, not in a bad way, just... weird.

He carefully stood up, and walked along the fence but stopped himself to cough and spit a little bit. He swore, every time he coughed it felt like he was trying to get a lung out. He jumped down from the fence and dropped down to his knees for a second to catch his breath. He stood up soon after and turned to look at the girl and her horse. “I saw you grinning.” He spoke up, his words a little shaky after that moment, but he was going to get the subject away from him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as happy as you were a moment ago. I’m almost sorry I geld to my word this time...” He offered a very innocent, very small smile from his face to her eyes as he was kind of kidding, kind of not.

[Adrienne Dionas]

She eyed him suspiciously, but she knew better than to force an answer out so she didn't question him on the matter further. She knew how things were he probably got into a fight with someone earlier or something. She wasn't going to question him on it though. She frowned as he stopped and coughed and spat for a minute. She studied him as he stood back up. "Are you feeling alright?" She asked gently. Sure she was worried about him. She did have a heart, and she cared about him. She was too afraid he would just turn her away if he admitted that to him, so she didn't say that, but she did show it.

She felt a soft blush creep over her cheeks hen he said he'd seen her grinning. She smiled meekly and looked up at Calliope, who stretched out her long neck and gently nudged Anthony's hand. Adrienne stroked the muscular mare's neck gently and looked back out at the arena as she listened to him. She laughed at him softly and looked back to Calliope. She didn't know what to say. How to explain how she had felt out there. There really wasn't much of a way to explain it. "Like I said the other day. Riding is like my drug." She said softly looking back to him as her hands softly stroked over the soft suede like skin on the mare. Why had she given it up then? If it made her so happy. It used to be the smallest thing in her stable at home would remind her of her mother and just upset her further than she already was. After her father had finally decided to give away her mare, she just didn't see any reason to show any more interest in riding. Then he'd brought her here.

It was starting to cool off so she was dressed in a pink hooded pull over and some jeans, which were tucked into her riding boots that she had swapped out for her red tye-dye converses. Her hair had been thrown up in a hair clip today, and she hadn't bothered with a helmet. Though it wasn't the smartest idea, she just hadn't wanted to fool with it. She hadn't slept ell the night before, and the dark circles under her violet eyes showed that.

[vanlouden]

He shook his head without even thinking as she asked if he was ok. It was the first natural response because he wasn’t alright. He was far from alright in everyway possible. His body ached, his lungs ached, his throat ached, and worst of all, his face and head ached. It wasn’t fun but when he realized what he was doing he raised his fingers to his temples and pressed against them lightly, massaging them a little. He felt horrible and he knew that she would know better then to believe him. She looked at him knowingly. By now, she knew more about his personality than most did and she could probably guess what had happened to him. A fight with another student could most likely be her thought, and that was absolutely correct. He didn’t want to say it though. He didn’t like to admit he’d gotten the shit beat out of him by two other guys. It was plainly obvious that he wasn’t a big guy but he’d been in an unfair fight and he was doing great until the other guy came along. He knew he should just tell her the truth, but he didn’t want too. She was already watching him carefully, if he told her she might do something weird. “No, I’m really sick… I can’t sleep or eat or do anything right…” His voice sounded soft and breathless as he leaned himself up against the fence, and closed his deep black pools for a short moment before looking back over at her to see what she’d say to when he saw her smiling.

He forced a small smile onto his lips as she blushed, letting that pink tint fill her face. He had to admit she looked pretty cute blushing and smiling. She was a pretty girl, she needed to smile more. In a place like this though, things so simple could be too hard. He touched the mare’s muzzle gently as she nudged his hand. He knew the large creature was gentle but there was still that obvious hesitation that he’d still not overcome since he’d arrived. He nodded a little bit as she spoke. “It must not have been a very strong drug since you were able to just stop showing interest. If that’s how drugs work I wouldn’t be here…” He said quietly. He knew that wasn’t how drugs work, but he was being very illogical right now. He wished for so many things that he didn’t know what to say to her. He wished for a gun, he wished for a cigarette, he wished for just one line of cocaine. He was wishing that he wouldn’t have to force down food for lunch in a half hour, he wished he could sleep, but all his wishing wasn’t doing anything for him. He couldn’t get a smoke or cocaine; he obviously wouldn’t be able to get a gun. He knew he would be forced to sit in the meal hall and forced to eat whatever god awful food that they served, and in turn, he’d be locked in the bathroom throwing up… If he didn’t throw up in the lunch room. He was prepared for the horror that lunch would be but he didn’t know if he wanted to be ready.

He pulled his hand away from the mare’s nose, and away from his temples and tucked his arms inside himself. He was wearing long sleeves and a turtle neck, but it just wasn’t enough. He was wearing jeans, but he wished he had some sweat pants. It wasn’t that cold to most, but he was sick which made him feel hot and the cold air made him feel twice as cold, plus, he didn’t have a lot of meat too him like most did. He was almost literally skin and bones. “I’m glad you were happy though, you smiling was a pretty cool sight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to smile in this god damned place.” He at least decided to try and cover up his illogical thoughts with a nice comment, or something where it seemed like he was trying to be nice. He didn’t think telling her that she was pretty would come out good. He’d end up making it awkward somehow, so he avoided those words.

[Adrienne Dionas]

She frowned at him. He looked sick, and he looked like he was in pain. "You should be back at your cabin." She remarked softly as she watched him. Plenty of rest and a little cough medication and he would be as good as new. The cold certainly wasn't helping him any. She shivered herself gently. She was pretty cold natured herself so she had on a long sleeved shirt under it with a short sleeve over the long sleeve. She probably would have tended to him herself if he would let her, but she didn't make a move to.

Looked out at the arena when he made his remark about her 'drug' of choice. She licked her lips and rubbed a sleeve covered hand up and down one arm. "I wish it were that easy to explain, Anthony, but... it's not." She said softly looking back to him. It wasn't that easy to explain. Sure she could think about what happens, but thinking and actually getting the words out were two completely different things. In this particular situation her brain couldn't function to get the words she needed out. She didn't do well with audiences, and that's all she could really say. She looked up at Calliope as he mare impatiently snorted and shook her head.

Adrienne looked to the mare and stroked her knuckles over her cheek before she looked to Anthony. There was a gentle side of the temperamental mare. You just had to know how to finesse it out. She smiled gently and nodded before she gestured for him to follow them towards the grooming stall, which is exactly where she started to led the hulking mare. She tied Calliope up to the cross ties and started to efficiently unbuckle the bridle where it needed to be unbuckled. She soothingly finessed the bit out of the large mare's mouth, and the mare happily obliged.

[vanlouden]

“Don’t frown at me.” He spoke in a soft ‘tsk tsk’ kind of tone. “I would be back there, but I’m tired of being alone. I don’t wanna sit in there and suffer by myself… Not meaning I want someone else to suffer with me, I just don’t want to be alone.” He said quietly, hoping that made even a little sense. He shook his head slightly and curled his arms about his small body and looked back over at her with his deep black eyes and his frown covered face. It was easier for him to frown than it was to smile seeing as his lip was busted. He wasn’t in much of a smiling mood anyway. He ached all over. His mind, heart, skin, everything was cold and achey right now and he just didn’t know what to do. He hugged himself tighter, thinking that somehow it would help him but he knew better. He wasn’t going to get warmer anytime soon because he was still outside.

“I know it’s not… I’m sorry. I just… I wish so much that it was.” He apologized with a small voice. He wished everything was easier than it was instead of having to be so god damn hard. “I wish everything was easier. All these things that we wanna do but can’t are so incredibly hard…” God, he was just in a whiney mood right now. He wanted to ball up in a corner and just cry. There was nothing he’d wanted to do so bad in his whole life like right now. He shook himself slightly watching the mare snort and shake her head. He looked to Adrienne, wondering if that was their queue to go in and sure enough, she motioned for him to follow and he did. He walked behind the two of them, holding himself tightly.

He was glad to walk into the barn to stand near the grooming stall. He was away from the subtle winds that swept the grounds outside and that in itself made him a little bit warmer. He slid down against the wall to sit on the ground. He pulled his knees into his body and tensed for a moment, hurting himself by moving like that. He pulled his knees away from his ribs a bit and gave himself some breathing room but still kept his knees close and wrapped his arms around them. He looked up at her from where he sat on the ground and watched her with the horse. He rested his chin on his knees and watched her quietly, not knowing what to say since it was a one person job when it came to untacking a horse. It didn’t look all that hard, but he didn’t wanna do anything wrong.

[Adrienne Dionas]

She giggled at him softly and pressed a hand to her mouth before she looked back to Calliope. She made sure her halter was secure before she took off the bridle and carefully draped it over a rail made just for that purpose. She made sure it didn't get tangled up. She then moved to the saddle and un-knotted the girth from the loop then unbuckled it. "I'm kind of thankful for hard stuff. Then nothing would give anyone any challenge in the world. Everything would be too perfect." She said gently looking to Anthony for a moment before she looked to the saddle.

She gently draped the English saddle over the rail. She picked the curry comb up off the shelf and slowly started to comb away the dirt from the mare's dark chocolatey coat. She looked back to Anthony in thought for a moment then looked to the comb that was looped around her hand. She looked back up at Anthony then to Calliope, who had turned her head as much as the ties would allow and was watching her. Adrienne stroked her velvety soft muzzle gently. "I quite riding because... it reminded me too much. When Dad finally sold my horse, I didn't even have a reason to at least try and step foot in the stables, so I just.. gave up." She pulled off the hoodie when she started to feel hot and rolled her sleeves up, revealing the scars from cutting herself along both of her wrists.

She studied the scars for a moment in thought. Those had been from the first three months. She'd somehow come to her senses, and stopped doing it when she ended up in the hospital because of her destructive behavior against her body. She licked her lips looking at the most prominent ones. It was as jagged as it had originally been, but it was still the most prominent, even after getting stitched up. She pulled the sleeves back down over the scars after thinking over it for a moment. Maybe he hadn't been paying attention and hadn't seen them. The only people here that knew about them were her cabin mates, and the staff.

[vanlouden]

“I would rather they be easy.” He murmured with a bitter tone. This was coming from a male who’d been born lazy and unsatisfied. He hated when things were too hard. Subconsciously, it was his fear behind horses, it was behind his lack of being able to stop cocaine, and it was his reason for not to quit smoking, it was everything. He had an excuse for everything and then he wondered why he couldn’t do anything. He was a lazy kid who was hiding in his shell making no hope for saving himself. Anthony sat quietly then, just watching the two of them. She kept looking down at him and he wondered what it was, if maybe it was what he said or something dumb like that but she never really said anything that made him think that she had a problem with what he said. However, when she did finally speak he listened to every word that passed through her lips. She spoke about why she had quit riding and he supposed that was a good reason. What more was left after her horse had been sold? He shrugged a little bit to answer the questions that popped up in his mind and he avoided her face, watching her roll her sleeves up.

He looked away as soon as the scars came into view and just sat there looking at his feet and his slender hands. He pulled his legs closer to his body despite the pain that his torso was in. “I see why you stopped, but by seeing that smile today, it was something you should have fought to keep.” Speaks absently as he sits there quietly, looking past his feet and his hands, onto something that only he could see. He really didn’t know what to say because even though he hadn’t looked more than a second, which was long enough for him to see the parts of her dreaded past that she’d kept hidden for a reason. He shifted nervously, not being able to raise his eyes back up to her. He felt like he’d done something wrong by seeing the cutting scars.

However, a cough shook his thin frame and he had to turn away from her so his front was practically in the wall. Three coughs shook him and he sucked in what he’d almost spit onto the floor and swallowed. He didn’t need to be spitting all over the place. It was a horrible habit and he found it gross. He turned back to sit again, his legs pulled in, and he finally let his eyes wander to gaze up at her from where he sat on the floor. “Will you ride more often now?” he asked curiously, regaining his breath from his small fit of coughs.

[Adrienne Dionas]

She looked at him for a moment then to the curry comb that she held on Calliope. He had a hard life. There was no other explanation. He had to have had a hard life in order to wish for an easy one. Sometimes an easy life wasn't all that easy though. It could be just as challenging as a hard life. She rubbed her arms for a moment as if she could feel the stinging sensation of cutting herself. She looked back to him frowning softly. How could he explain it to him. Surely he understood. "I tried for a while, but... this deep... ache in my heart always stopped me at the stable doors. Then one day I realized, why try to fight for something that constantly makes you hurt?" She murmured softly looking to Calliope as the large mare nudged her arm and pressed her large cheek to Adrienne's arm. "Now I wish I had fought harder for it." She murmured softly as she stroked the mare's soft velvety nose.

She winced as he started to cough again and she watched him for a minute. She looked back to Calliope though at his question. She debated for a minute then nodded. "A little bit." She murmured as she stroked the mare's suede like pelt. She couldn't ride for hours and hours though. She had to take it a little slow. She turned to him for a moment in thought. "What about you? Are you going to learn how to ride?" She asked gently.