|
Post by Markus Martins on Jun 11, 2010 1:05:49 GMT -5
Mark took note of his father's paled expression. It had Mark worried for a moment because he'd never seen his dad react this way. Surely he had seen this question coming eventually. As a matter of fact, this question was probably far too long over-due. He studied his father thoughtfully as he answered. "Dad... there's nothing wrong with finding someone else. It's been over fifteen years. She would want you to find someone else." He said softly, looking over his father. Jared looked lonely to Markus sometimes. Mark didn't know if that was really loneliness or some other emotion, but if Jared thought Mark didn't see it then he was sadly mistaken. "I used to be afraid that you would find some other woman that would replace her when I was younger. Then I started getting older and I started to think of how lonely you had to feel coming home and realizing that she wasn't here anymore."
He stared down at Dipstick, thinking of all the emotions that had been going through Markus those years. The bad behavior really stemmed from the fact that he was afraid that Jared would replace Willow after a time. Those first few years had been the worse for Mark. He would come home from school after a bad day, and go looking for his mom only to remember that she wasn't there. That first year had been really confusing for Mark. When he saw how his dad was handling all this, Mark hadn't known how to act, so he did the one thing he knew how to do. Act out. He sighed and looked up to Jared. "Sometimes I still really miss her, Dad." He ran a hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his head. If only it was Sunday. This mood Mark was suddenly in was so much more suited for a Sunday instead of a work day.
|
|
|
Post by Jared Martins on Jun 11, 2010 15:45:30 GMT -5
It only took a moment for the color to return to Jared’s cheeks while taking a deep breath after admitting to his son the feelings he held for his mother after so long. The question had been a very long time coming, in fact he thought on a number of occasions when Markus had entered middle school it would have popped up then. But for whatever reason his son had kept his mouth shut until now. What brought this up all of a sudden? His eyes searched his son’s face trying to find out the reasoning behind the strange questions. Had he forgotten about something? His eyes glanced to the calendar and he suddenly felt like he was choking on his own breath. Her birthday was tomorrow. His hand reached up and ran through his hair while counting back from ten to gain a moment to hide his true emotions. It was no wonder his dreams were all over the place with Willow in them every night all of a sudden. “I never said I wouldn’t find someone else. It’s just isn’t as easy as when I was younger.” However, he didn’t want to say too much since he had found someone already. The relationship was just unspoken and unheard of by anyone but Adrianna and Jared. “Might be why I work so hard.” He titled his head slightly while smiling at his son. That was part of the reason behind all his maddening hours.
“I’ll be honest…I didn’t want any other person by my side once your mother died. I had you to remind me of her. That was more than enough to get me through life.” Reaching across the table, Jared’s hand roughed up his son’s hair like he use to when the boy was still a toddler. It was one of those things he only did when no one was looking but knew it would get a laugh or some kind of reaction from Markus. “Anyways, at the age you were I would have focused more on you then any woman that tried to gain my attention.” Jared only wished he had been a better father after Willow’s death instead of waiting for Markus to get into so much trouble.
“I know. I’m old, not blind.” Grinning at Markus, Jared leaned back in his chair to watch his son interact with the dog once more. “I’m sorry you never had much time with her. I’m sorry for every event she missed out seeing you in. I’m sorry for not being strong enough to have asked her to wait another week for me to find some others to watch the horses instead of going ahead to see her folks.” Each word held more pain behind it then the last as he blinked back the tears in his eyes while staring out the window to avoid eye contact with his son. Every night his conversations with Willow passed through his mind and every small argument he could remember only felt like another needle in his already pained chest.
The both of them needed a break from work, but Jared couldn’t stop. “I want you to take the day off.” Standing up out of the chair, he walked over to the counter and leaned against the counter in front of the water bottle and apple. “Forget about the riding lessons, I’ll get someone to cover them along with the private lessons. I don’t want you to be burned out like I am when you hit 45.” The main reason was whose birthday it was the next day. It was already an off day for Markus, but Jared wanted to make sure his son had enough rest to handle everything going on. And because he knew that sooner or later if his son tried to do what Jared was up to, he would end up just like him. That wasn’t what Jared envisioned for his own son’s future.
|
|
|
Post by Markus Martins on Jun 11, 2010 18:47:25 GMT -5
A faint smile spread across his lips when his father told him how he felt. It only got bigger when he ruffed up Mark's hair a little. Something he never did unless it was just the two of them. That one little gesture had many many memories to it. That was for certain. It didn't quite have the effect Jared was probably hoping for today though. Markus just seemed kind off his game today, and with good reason. He hadn't realized until he glanced at his calendar today, but tomorrow would have been her birthday if she were still alive. Mark lost count of how old she would have been, but he hadn't forgotten that day. Mark remembered when he was younger that he would "make breakfast" and carry it up to bed for her. Mark often ended up making more of a mess than breakfast, but he and Jared would clean it up while Willow enjoyed her breakfast.
Dipstick seemed to pick up on the tension in the room because he jumped up from his bed and walked around the table, first giving Jared a gently nudge with his wet nose then moving to Mark and giving him a nudge as well. Mark looked down at the dog and stroked a hand over his head before the dog sat his rump down and then his head in Mark's lap. Mark just slowly pet the dog's head gently as Dipstick looked between Jared and Mark as if he didn't know who to comfort more. Mark studied the dog thoughtfully, wondering what Willow would have thought about having a dog. A soft smile spread over his face as he imagined the reaction he thought she would have had when he came through the door with the shaking little ball that Mark held in his arms that day. Mark looked up at Jared when he started apologizing for all the things that Mark missed out with Willow. He shook his head weakly. "Don't be sorry, Dad. None of it was your fault. It's not like you had any control of what the plane would do or even knew what would happen. " Mark hadn't been quite this understanding when he received the news of his mother's death, but that was natural. He had only been seven when it happened. That year had been very confusing and frustrating for Mark.
Mark frowned and shook his head softly. He didn't need today off. He would take tomorrow off like he did every year. He would make all his calls for tomorrow's public lessons to let them know that the lessons were canceled tomorrow and then he'd run to town, do some errands, pick up some flowers, and go up to where she was buried and just... talk. He knew it sounded strange, but it was something he had been doing for a long time now. One her birthday. He did that every year on her birthday. He would just talk to her about things that happened that year. It had always helped Mark cope with Willow's abscence on this particular day. "No, I'm fine, Dad. I've already got tomorrow off. " He said gently, as he slowly stood, rubbing the back of his neck gently. When he was younger, Mark liked to think that she was listening to him up in heaven, and it just sort of stuck. Unloading all the information from the past year really helped and took a little weight off his shoulder. He knew there wasn't really anybody there to listen to him, but he still kind of felt like his mom was there, listening to him.
|
|
|
Post by Jared Martins on Jun 12, 2010 7:41:10 GMT -5
Sighing deeply, Jared caught how the smile from Markus’s face didn’t hold the usual amount of amusement in it when he messed up his hair. It seemed as if he wasn’t the only one to remember what tomorrow was. It was odd that they both didn’t remember what was going on tomorrow. They had been caught up in the camp too much that the days had bled together until the day had sprang up on them. The memories of Markus as a little boy trying to cook his mother breakfast brought a smile back to Jared’s lips. He never understood how the boy could get covered in so much flour and sugar in only an hour but his son had given himself and the kitchen a good coating of it. If someone looked hard enough there were pictures of those days around the halls in the cabin even on in the kitchen. They never ceased to cause him to either smile or burst out laughing. Willow never scolded Markus only found it adorable her son was cooking for her and trying to act like a grown up at his young age. Not once did Jared get mad about it either since it was only a mess that could be easily cleaned up while his wife had enjoyed every bit up in their bed.
The nudge to Jared’s leg made his eyes turn down to see Dipstick right at his side trying to lessen the tension that coated the air. He gave the dog a warm smile before scratching him right behind the ear, his sensitive spot that would cause his leg to thump on the floor. Shooing the dog towards Markus, the smile remained seeing how well they communicated without words. Yes, his son was much better with animals then him. It didn’t hurt his ego only made him proud that there was something they could share in life even with Willow gone. It helped ease the pain of her loss knowing that something Jared had shared with her as well had simply been passed down to their son.
The fingers that were curled around the countertop tightened at his son’s words. How could he never tell him how much Jared hated himself? He would never be able to tell his son that ever day that Markus had been at school the shotgun in his room had found its way to his temple at least twice times a day and on the third attempt he’d been stopped by Markus returning home and calling out to his father to let him know he was back. His arms were trembling from both the force he was putting on the granite counters and the sudden pain that flew up his chest causing him to bite down on his tongue to keep back from cursing. It was starting to come more frequently, but he was too stubborn for a doctor’s visit and refused to even go next time his son attempted to drag him away from work. As the pain slowly eased up, his muscles relaxed and he couldn’t help from panting slightly as his breathing came in short jagged breaths.
“You sure? I’m tempted to take the day off with you.” Catching his breath, Jared continued to stare out the window into the morning light as the sun was well over the horizon and spilling into the kitchen. Chocking slightly, he sighed once more and shook his head. Any time he had spoken to Willow of taken a day off besides Sundays she would instantly have thought he was sick and try to call up the doctor’s office to make an appointment. That had always been too much fun to convince her not to call. Taking a day off was so bizarre for Jared that even on Sundays he’d end up going to the barns to talk to the horses and take Storm and some others for rides. Every year on Willow’s birthday, Jared would just lay in bed the whole day pretending that she was still in his arms. It had to be the only day he really didn’t go into work at all and moped around the house. It was never one of his prouder moments and was grateful his son was never home to see it. The odds of him pulling out the gun were always higher on that day than any other out of the year. But he would never manage to pull the trigger. There was still too much for him to do around the camp and his son still needed him just as much as Jared still needed Markus.
|
|
|
Post by Markus Martins on Jun 13, 2010 22:03:12 GMT -5
he looked to his dad in concern when he seemed to lose his breath. Mark couldn't help but worry about his dad lately. He was always stressed and worrying over the camp. It wasn't good for his health. That's why Mark set up the appointments. He would sneak into the office today so he could look at his dad's schedule and set up an appointment next month for Jared. Mark didn't care if he had to sedate him and tie him up in the truck. His dad would be going to the doctor for his annual check up next month.
Mark nodded his head weakly, studying his dead. "Yeah, I'm sure." He answered softly as he slowly stood and stretched a little. Dipstick brushed up against Mark's leg. Mark bent over a little and gave the dog a pet before he looked up to Jared. "Yeah... the day you take a day off will be the day hell freezes over." Mark commented gently with a snort of amusement. He stretched his body upwards one more time before rubbing his neck gently. He needed to run and get a shower before he went in to work. He didn't like to smell bad when he went to work, of course, by the end of the day he would smell like a horse stable. "I'm going to get a quick shower." He said as he glanced up at his dad. He studied him worriedly for a few minutes before he turned to leave the room and run and get his shower.
|
|